1. Early this week my close colleague's father passed away. May him RIP....
I visited the wake twice, the first time in a big group, and the second time with only those who are close to both of us ... Really learnt many things about S'porean's tradition, somewhat similar to Chinese....
However, the thing I dislike here is, I can't understand why people like to ask family members "What happened?", here and even in my country. When you look at the photo, it's obvious that her father is very old, and he followed the life cycle: born, grown up, sick and passed away..... It's natural, so why do you still need to ask? She kept on repeating the same story each time a few people from our group arrived and asked the same question.... And each time she looked very sad, her voice was choked with emotion and she cried when recalling the story.... I really don't understand, losing one family member is really painful, why people need to make them feel more painful?
So, note to myself,
- when my friend is sad, don't quickly ask him/ her what happened, if they want me to know, they will tell the story even before I ask
- when he/ she is sad, just stay by his/ her side, talk about something else, or can even just offer my shoulder, or tissue paper ... and sometimes it's more than enough
2. My two direct bosses really can't communicate well to each other.... They didn't really have argument, but they don't really talk to each other... and that's worse. Ended up I got scolded and don't know who I should follow. Anw, it's fine, since the big boss scolded the lady boss indirectly by scolding me. And it's not a mistake made by both of us, just that we sent out some assessment to project team without clearing him when they needed it urgently.
So, I feel it weird.... He was not always there, either on leave or out for meeting. Then somehow the lady boss is more knowledgeable, more experienced, and she's also a boss. And more importantly, she understands the project more, since she has been doing it from the beginning. Why didn't he trust her for what she did and just let her handle, then can clear him later when he's back? Moreover, even if what she did was wrong, why didn't he just scolded two of us in a private email? Why did he need to cc all the not-related people from project team? To make her losing face? I don't know, and don't dare to make any deduction ....
And so, she was hurt, and she drew a super clear cut that she won't involve in the project after award anymore. She didn't even answer my question when I asked, just told me to look for him and ask him. Okay fine.... I don't blame her, since I know how she feels. I also don't blame him, because maybe there was some problems between them that I never know made him have that kind of reaction.....
So, I can only have a note to myself, that when I become a boss,
- even if I dislike someone personally, try not to let it affect the works, as well as other staffs
- try to trust my team mates, as people always have intuition and rationale in doing things.
- if someone makes mistake, let them know in person, don't get other people involve. And try not to scold him/ her, but show him/ her the right way of doing things
- when something is needed urgently, try to understand that they won't have time to clear me before they take action, especially when I'm not there... so let them clear later, at least let them explain first before I make any judgement
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